Friday, September 16, 2011

Mackenna's Birth

~Mackenna Marie Ballew~
August 11, 2009
5:32 pm
8 pounds 5 ounces
20.5 inches

I switched to another OB who was very supportive of my plans to have a VBAC.  My pregnancy went very smoothly and my VBAC was in sight. At 39 weeks, we rented our house out and moved in with my parents. Dustin was pretty busy working, we already had renters scheduled to move in and we had a lot of stuff to get moved so I ran around packing and moving as much as I could. I figured the worst thing that could happen from me lifting (relatively) heavy boxes would be going into labor and at 39 weeks that is a welcomed event. I did go into labor but not until 40 weeks 1 day. I woke up to my water breaking at 2 am. I labored at home for 8 hours then decided to head to the hospital. I lied and told them my water broke at 9 so that I’d be “allowed” more time to labor. I was checked in triage and again in my room. They confirmed I was in labor and I was already at 4 cm (I was excited because it was farther then I got with my son). The nurses also “let” me labor in the shower which helped tremendously with the back labor (again) but started getting worried when they could keep the baby’s heart rate on the monitor. They adjusted it and adjusted it and had me move around but they couldn’t keep her heart rate on there consistently so they decided it was time to call my doc.

He came in and checked me and said he could definitely feel the baby but it wasn’t her head. He brought in an ultrasound and confirmed that baby had flipped frank breech. (Looking back I could almost pinpoint the moment that she flipped while I was moving things, but it just never occurred to me that the pressure from lifting stuff would cause a baby to flip.)  I couldn’t even look at the screen because I knew she was going to be breech and I knew that meant I was going to have another c/section (my doc and hospital don’t do breech births). I fell into Dustin’s arms and sobbed. My VBAC was so close and it had slipped right through my fingers. They took me to the OR and did not allow Dustin in the room while they did the spinal. I was still crying from the news that I had to have a section and then the guy doing my spinal missed and I could feel the blood running down my back. And then he missed again and more blood, I was sobbing asking them to please let Dustin in the room. I was seriously afraid they were going to injure me. He finally got my spinal in properly and they let Dustin into the room and I calmed down. Again I laid numb, waiting to get to see and hold my baby. Again, I had my baby taken out of my body. Again, I wasn’t there for the bath, weight, footprints, or to nurse or even have skin to skin contact with my child.

My recovery from this surgery was much faster and easier. I think in part because the nerves were already destroyed in that area and in part because I had a 17 month old that needed me to still be his mommy. Nursing also went a lot more smoothly and I didn’t suffer from PPD. I attribute all of that to going into labor naturally when my body and my baby were ready.  I was again disappointed but not like the first time. I felt like I was given the chance to have a natural birth and at the time I did not know that a frank breech baby could be delivered vaginally so I felt like this c/section was warranted. I did feel frustration and guilt about my actions being the reason she flipped but other than that I just felt resolved to try again with our next baby.

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